Apostrophe S

Bear with me, this article ended up being a little longer than I intended. Here’s a summary: Television sucks, but some shows are worth the trouble, so I am now downloading them instead of taping the broadcast.

Television is so many things to so many people. For many, it’s simply a way to wind down the mind after a long day’s work. For others, it’s another world that they can enter from 52 different directions. These are the people that know each network’s primetime lineup and will readily recommend their favorite selections from it. They are the television junkies. For yet others, television is a vice that they believe is beneath them. Those are the people that say they don’t have cable because of their high moral quality.

Me, I fall somewhere in between all of those. I don’t know the primetime lineups. I don’t know much about network or cable television inner workings, other than the junk I run in the paper every day. I like to be entertained as much as the next guy. But all entertainment should also be art. And much of what is on television could not be called art.

Sitcoms

Most of the garbage that’s beamed to my television is just that, garbage. For instance, let’s take “Freddie,” the absolute trash that leads into “Lost” on Wednesday nights. I catch the final few minutes of each episode every week while I’m waiting for the good stuff. “Freddie” displays a total lack of creativity. The characters, the sets, the conflicts and pretty much everything about the show has been done before, and better. And that’s not saying it has ever been done well. It is the sloppy joe made from leftover meatloaf of the situation comedy genre. (Why tripe such as this is called “situation comedy” is an insult to the term, but that’s another post entirely.) Freddie Prinze Jr. just isn’t funny.

Ninety-nine percent of sitcoms insult my intelligence. Pretty much anything with a laugh track falls into that 99 percent. The same stories, the same love triangles, the same urban socialites getting into slightly uncomfortable situations that we, much like Pavlov’s dogs, are cajoled into thinking is funny by canned laughter from people who have been dead for 10 years. Are there exceptions? Sure, but they are the elite few, with laugh tracks mostly absent. “Scrubs,” “Arrested Development,” “Family Guy” and several other animated shows. The jury is still out on “My Name Is Earl” and “The Office (U.S.).” I’ve enjoyed both so far, but I’m not going to stick my neck out for either.

Dramadies

Another brain-cell killer genre. These are those shows that are for the most part serious but are also supposed to make you laugh. Pretty much anything on the WB qualifies. You know, the “Ally McBeal” type of show. All I can say is, while they pretend to be serious programming, they’re just whores for Coca-Cola.

Action dramas

This is anything that falls in the “24″ or “E-Ring” range. Cheap thrills, lots of action, some satisfying ending. Rubbish.

Straight dramas

This is where television can really shine. While many dramas simply become prime-time soap operas (”NYPD Blue,” I’m looking in your direction), there are a few that break free of that stereotype. One of my favorites is the original “Law & Order” series. Each episode is fully encapsulated; You need never have seen the show before to enjoy it. It may be the posterboy for formulaic television, but that’s the whole point. The show isn’t about which cop is sleeping with which lawyer. It is about the criminals and the system that brings them to justice. Nothing more, nothing less.

“The West Wing” is another good example, although it is a withering husk of what it used to be.

And then there’s “Lost,” a show that transcends its medium and it’s deep-pocketed network parents. Not only have I come to realize — and thanks to Michelle for being patient with me — that “Lost” is the best show on television, I’ve come to realize that it’s really above television. It’s what TV should be: An excellent serialized story. This story is particularly good. It’s basically an extended “Twilight Zone” episode. The characters are rich and plenty, their actions are given perspective and motivation, and there is a healthy dose of mystery and just plain out-of-this-world wierdness to appeal to my inner sci-fi nerdiness. (Personally, I think the show is a reworking of “Forbidden Planet.” Or “The Tempest” if you want to go nearer the source.)

Now, “Lost” has its imitators (ABC’s own “Invasion,” NBC’s “Surface” and a slew of other shows that seem to have grasped the cliffhanger episode endings that “Lost” employs, but little else. They are for the most part rubbish.

Actually watching it

OK, so I do love some television shows. I admit it. Not since the days of “X-Files” have I had the desire to watch the same show or three every week. The problem comes when I actually have to sit down and watch it. I still hate watching television, because I still hate watching advertisements for shit I don’t want or need. I feel like a tool after every commercial break. Why can’t I look away? Why do I do what the Man expects me to do?

Because I believe there is actually some artistry that goes into the shows I watch. I like the stories.

So what’s a guy to do? Well, I’m beginning to make a shift. I have discovered that I can download any new episode of a show I want from someplace such as mininova.org mere minutes after it has aired. In fact, I can usually download it before it airs here on the West Coast, because it already aired 3 hours earlier on the East Coast. Plus, people share their HDTV feeds, so I get excellent picture quality plus — and this is really important to me — I get the widescreen versions that air on HDTV. The crops that the networks use for standard broadcast cut off so much of the picture it’s not even funny. If you have standard cable, watch during the opening credits of “Lost.” The credits are cut off because they are usually in the lower left and right corners of the WIDESCREEN version. That’s how much you’re missing. Plus, each episode is carefully edited so it’s like the commercials were never there.

I have thought about getting TiVo, but that would just record the crappy broadcast I already get. Why not just download the high-quality show for free, get the full picture, and ditch the ads? Well, I’m having trouble thinking of a reason not to, other than the tired old “don’t steal” arguments.

Well, this rant turned out to be a little long and a little “Lost” heavy. But I’ve said what I wanted to say. Any thoughts?

p.s. By no means have I watched every show out there, so my opinions are of coursed biased towards the shows I watch. But really, I’ve sampled a lot, and I’m right.